SMALL TALK CAN LEAD TO BIG THINGS

If executed correctly, this necessary evil can help jump start a real conversation

Excruciating at best and disastrous at worst, many see small talk as having little purpose. But the act can be a great bonding ritual and can aid in starting new relationships between friends, colleagues even lovers.

It’s a necessary evil especially if you’re standing alone at a party or at a work event trying to network. But after the year we’ve all had, small talk is even more important to connect with new people or reconnect with acquaintances. You’re probably a tad rusty after a year of isolation. Here are some tips to get you back into the swing of talking again…

Go into a situation armed with some content. For example, if it’s a business event, know something about who is in attendance. If it’s a law firm for example, what types of cases do they represent? Have they won a major newsworthy settlement? Does your company do business with them?

In a social setting such as a local bar, it can be more challenging. Will there be a band playing later? How long has your acquaintance been frequenting the establishment? What cocktail is the bar known for? These tactics shouldn’t be time consuming to have at the ready.

One of the challenges of starting a conversation with someone you don’t know is finding common ground. Some good starters include asking about a recent trip, cocktail or current events. If all these topics always worked, small talk would be second nature, so you must be prepared to probe a bit to find your groove. Look for multiple onramps that garner interest.

Even a tired old standby like the weather can lead to an engaging tête-à-tête…

“Do you believe this weather we’re having?”

“It’s crazy right?”

“Where do you live – is it any better there?”

If you’re familiar with where the person lives, you can mention a restaurant or landmark. If you’re not, you can ask, “How long have you lived there? What do you like about the town?” Either way, you’re onto the start of a conversation.

Notice the common element? Asking questions is a great way to get someone talking about his/her favorite topic – themselves. It keeps you in control and if you get into a rhythm, it can lead to a much deeper and more meaningful discussion.

Just be cognizant that a conversation is a two-way street and being the motivator and asking all the questions can grow tiring fast especially if you’re not interested. A great away around this is to self-deprecatingly state, “Here I am asking all of the questions. I apologize. What do you want to know?”

Remember small talk serves a purpose and if you find it growing tedious after you’ve put in some effort, there’s nothing wrong with excusing yourself and moving on.